I told my midwife I felt big.
Not “big” because I’m carrying this beautiful life but BIG because I feel and look like a bloated whale.
And it is not because that’s what I SEE in the mirror. But because I was TOLD I was big. That enough was able to convince me. And it wasn’t a “wow, your baby is growing” it was a “oh, you’re bigger than so-and-so.”
Yes, I was ultimately compared to someone else and my well-being was compromised.
I didn’t know what to say, so I didn’t say anything. I looked down, put my hands on my belly, and felt as if I was inadequate to be caring this innocent soul.
Was I doing something wrong?
Am I hurting my baby because my size was not up to par?
What is the ideal?
Why me?
I tried to keep my composure and not shed a tear. But I couldn’t help but think, “am I not good enough?”
[line] The Amazing Female Body [line]
Being pregnant is one of the most beautiful things to experience. To know that there is a little bundle of life dancing within my own is something not everyone can encounter. A woman’s body does not CHANGE it EVOLVES into this safe haven for a little soul to grow in. Where a new soul is created and nourished and loved. The female body is so unique because it creates an environment for a new life to flourish and will do so for every life created. Not only that, but breast milk can change in accordance with the baby’s well-bring. It is amazing how the body of the mother…just knows and does it well.
The female body is so spectacular and we shouldn’t take it for granted. The way it evolves into more than just a life sustaining system but doubles for the need of the baby. Increasing blood supply to support two (or more) human beings and creating “soldiers” to fight and protect mom and baby. There is so much to the woman’s body that makes it one of the most unique in the world. But people still feel the need to compare the external appearance, when the internal system is the most astonishing aspect to consider.
[line] My Body Is Unique [line]
For me, I had one kick to my female foundation and I was cracking from the inside. From one mother to a mother-to-be, I was surprised by a simple comment. Moreover, a woman daring to test another woman’s temple. I couldn’t believe it, I thought I was in a welcoming environment of mothers congratulating a first time mom on this journey of new life. But I was wrong. My temple, my body, was deemed questionable.
My best friends reminded me that every woman’s body grows differently. My hubby tells me every day that I’m doing a great job growing our baby. And I have to remind myself that my body is doing exactly what it is supposed to be doing. I’ve already had my own share of difficulties in my pregnancy and this was just a pebble compared to what I’ve already been through.
As always, my mom came to the rescue with her strong personality, knowledge, and overall mama bear mentality. I shouldn’t have been compared to in the first place. Because what is the point? What does that prove? Most importantly, who cares? We were all created in a unique way, therefore comparison does nothing. I’m carrying a healthy baby, that’s what matters. (Thanks mom!)
[pullquote width=”750″ float=”center”]”You are beautiful for you are fearfully and wonderfully made.”- Psalm 139:14[/pullquote]
[line] Some Women Want This More Than Anything [line]
When I met with my midwife, I fell apart. I’m usually strong when it comes to my body image but this time it was different. My evolving body made me vulnerable. My one unique job as a woman is to grow my baby and I felt like I was failing. My midwife reassured me that my fundal height was measuring as it should, my weight is perfect, and my baby’s heart beat was strong and fast. And the fact that he or she is constantly moving and kicking is one of the best reassuring signs. She comforted me that my baby is healthy and everything that I’m doing is perfectly fine.
I couldn’t believe I let a bad comment ruin my perspective of this beautiful pregnancy. My mind should always focus on my little one and everything that comes with this growing baby is a perfect example of God’s wonderful creation. The way my body looks is a blessing because I’m creating the perfect environment for my little soul. Moreover, I shouldn’t spend one more minute thinking about how my body looks because there are women out there struggling to get pregnant. Women who want the big belly and an evolving body. Couples who are struggling with infertility want nothing more than a bump to love on. I shouldn’t be concerned with my body image, because I was so lucky to conceive. Sure my body will never be the same, but my abdomen will always remind me of the blessing(s) that I created and there is nothing more beautiful than that.
[pullquote width=” 700″ float=”center”]”A mark for every breath you took, every blink, every sleepy yawn. One for every time you sucked your thumb, waved hello, closed your eyes and slept in the most perfect darkness. One for every time you had the hiccups, one for every dream you dreamed inside of me. It isn’t very pretty anymore. Some may even say its ugly. That’s ok… It was your home. It was where I grew to love you, where I laid my hand, as I dreamed about who you were and who you would be. It held you unitl my arms could and for that I will always find something beautiful in it.” – Unknown[/pullquote]
So the next time I’m faced with an unwarranted comment, I know exactly what to say:
My baby is perfect and healthy and I’m so grateful that God chose me and my husband to love this child for the rest ours lives.
Because it is not about my body, it is about the life I’ve been creating, nourishing, and endlessly loving.
[line] What Do I Take From This? [line]
Give yourself some grace.
You are a vessel for this child. Treat it with love.
Tune out all the naysayers. You are a beautiful unicorn. Those trying to bring you down are already below you.
Don’t think you are inadequate to care for this child, God knows you can do it. That’s why He chose you to be the mom.
Now get yourself some cookie butter ice cream from Trader Joe’s!
Because you deserve to celebrate the life you have and the life you are growing!
(Unless you’re a gestational diabetic, then plan accordingly…LOL)
[line] Bumpdate [line]
I’m still craving green, seedless grapes. I’ve been putting them in wine glasses, pretending it’s wine.
My belly button is now an outie. One day it was so sensitive, I couldn’t wear form fitting shirts.
It’s PSL season (pumpkin spice latte) and I am eternally grateful for the decaf option. But I LOVE the PSCTL (pumpkin spice chai tea latte) version more!
I’ve been told it’s not the pregnant waddle but the pregnant swag.
I experienced what I think are Mexipino’s hiccups for the first time! My bump kept “jumping!”
I can now hear Mexipino’s heart beat with my stethoscope!
Mexipino has traveled to Michigan so many times!
I also bought a pair of overalls that are amazing. The bump looks spectacular. I’m super excited for the kangaroo pouch on my chest. I can put snacks there or my cell phone. You know, priorities.
Mexipino has also prepared for his/her first Notre Dame football game by listening to Rudy with mom and dad.
And he/she listened to his/her first movie in a movie theater. (Crazy Rich Asians…highly recommend, especially the books!)
Finally, the bump will be making his/her first appearance at a Notre Dame football game this weekend. (And the infamous ND vs. Michigan rivalry!) We’re putting all the bells and whistles on for the Salinas tailgate, complete with a flag. Start ’em early!
[line]
“How can you ever say anything negative about your body after you have felt the dancing of life from inside your womb?” – Amethyst Joy
