My first outing postpartum was to our very good friends’ wedding. I walked in wearing a $20 dress from Amazon and flip flops. Curled the ends of my hair and attempted full face of makeup.
It was my first time drinking wine and mingling with friends I haven’t seen in MONTHS. I was feeling good and happy to just feel free. Until, this concerned wedding guest came up to me and asked, “Isn’t alcohol bad for the baby?” I zeroed my eyes into hers like a laser beam and said, “I’m not pregnant.”
She was embarrassed and I was annoyed. Honestly, I was still raging with hormones. I didn’t give myself grace and I should have. I should have laughed it off, but I was still fighting with my inner demons. My first week postpartum was a roller coaster ride and I was still struggling to find my place in motherhood.
I still had a postpartum pooch and was still carrying A LOT of water weight. As days went by, my stretch marks were bruises, my linea nigra looked like a permanent line, and my ankles were MIA. I weighed myself and had only lost 8 pounds from my admission weight the day before I delivered. I kept digging this hole that I will never look like how I did before. I knew this. I knew that pregnancy would change my body but I wasn’t prepared for the emotional part.
I’ll be honest. I struggled to love my body. It was ugly. It look liked it was ran over and throw into the dumpster. I convinced myself that my husband wouldn’t like it either. He would never love me again. I hated it. I hated myself.
I concluded that I had to get myself in shape, start a cleanse or start the Whole 30. Something to get back into my pre-pregnancy shape. I missed my pre-baby body but at the same time, I was trying to love my new body. I didn’t know what I wanted. Social media wasn’t helping. Women were somehow bouncing back like frogs. My feet still didn’t fit in my shoes. I was fed up and wanted solutions, fast solutions.
I tried the Faster Way to Fat Loss which essentially is counting macros and intermittent fasting. But since I was pumping, I didn’t fast and I had to adjust my macros because my milk supply plummeted once I cut carbs. You’re supposed to work out during this 6 week program.; however, I wasn’t even cleared by my OB to exercise just yet and honestly, I don’t think my body was ready yet. I was forcing my body to do something it wasn’t ready to do. Since this program wasn’t the right fit, my husband and I started a round of Whole 30. This was our second time doing this, so was it easier. But man, I was SOOO hungry. This is why I had a hard time trying to “be healthy.” Because I thought stuffing my face would just make me gain more weight.
It is actually the opposite effect. I read that it takes 20 calories to produce 1 ounce of breastmilk. I was making about 53-55oz a day…that’s at most 1,100 calories I was burning. No wonder I was so hungry! In the end, I said screw it to all my healthy eating and living habits and did me. If I’m hungry, I’m gonna eat. And eat whatever sounds good to me. I was tired of trying to make my body morph back. I was already exhausted enough. Why try and add more onto my plate?
As Marie Kondo said, “Does it bring you joy?” I asked that about who and what surrounded me. I unfriended a few people and unfollowed A LOT of instagram accounts. I bought more food of what tasted and sounded good, being mindful of sugar and bad fats. I ate when I was hungry and drank a lot of water. That was key. I always kept a water bottle close by. I still utilized the water jug the hospital gave me. In the end, I was enjoying my days while keeping my milk supply up. And slowly but surely, my body was somehow transforming back. I look back at the pictures right before I gave birth and can’t believe how I had a baby in me, how my body accommodated another human being to now, my body inching back to pre-baby. The female body is truly amazing.
2 months later, I was back to my pre-baby weight…even less than that. I was pumping more than enough than what Isla eats in a day. I was able to start dropping pumps early, because I had so much breastmilk in my freezer stash (plus we were running out of room in our deep freezer and I was now taking room in our freezer.) And I need room for my ice cream, because priorities.
Once I started focusing on myself, everything else starting falling into place. I didn’t need a diet or cleanse. All I needed was grace. My body knew how to grow a baby and it sure knew how to recover afterwards. If I could give advice to any mama out there struggling with her body, I’d say “It took 9 months, expect it to take 9 months to get your body back. Don’t rush God’s work.”
So I say to you, my struggling mamas, don’t make your body do something it’s not ready to do. In the meantime, I suggest cleaning up your environment.
- Surround yourself with positive influences and ask yourself, “does this bring me joy?” You must be mentally strong, for you and your family.
- If you need help, ask! Don’t be ashamed to go to a counselor, I went to one and LOVED it! Having a third party listen to your thoughts lifts a huge weight off your shoulders.
- Eat! Eat! Eat! Especially you nursing mamas! You are burning calories like wildfire. Eat, but be mindful of how much sugar and carbs you’re consuming.
- Drink! Water! Fluids! But hey, you’re free to drink wine and beer. Do your research and ask your physician for their advice. I used to pump and dump. Now I don’t.
- Take a walk. Show off your stroller! I love mine, plus if you spent a lot of money on it, you better be using it!!
- Exercise! When you’re cleared by your OB! Incorporate your baby by babywearing!
- Talk! To other people rather than your baby, husband and immediate family members. I couldn’t wait to go back to work and talk to my co-workers about stuff! Yes, I missed my baby but going to work gives me a break mentally.
- Go to Target. Do I need to explain why?
They say motherhood changes you, that when the baby is born, a mother is born as well. I can’t remember life before Isla, but one thing is for sure, this life is better than ever.
