Engaged…in mixed emotions.

Getting engaged is one of those moments in your life when you are clearly the queen. Not up to Beyonce queen status, but close to it. You got the ring and now life can proceed.

When I got engaged, I was living on a cloud. Was I surprised when it happened? I’d be lying if I said yes. Here’s why…because there is no reason why my work-focused husband would decide to deviate from his schedule and say “we’re going to South Bend” on a Tuesday afternoon…at the end of December. But his intention and the fact that he planned it with the help of a few people, brought so much warmth into my soul. It didn’t matter that it wasn’t a grand proposal with confetti shooting out from the sky. It was the best proposal because it came from his heart and not from Google.

I wanted this moment to last forever. But unfortunately, time does not stop so I made a list of points to think about once the ring is on and you don’t know where to start.

My Top 5 Engagement Tips

1) Don’t tell anyone….just yet.

So the ring has been safely secured and now you can’t wait to get that perfect pic for insta. But hold up, girlfriend. Remember when I said I wanted the moment to last forever? Soak this in…don’t tell anyone. At least, for a day or two. Once you break the news, family and friends will be ALL OVER YOU asking you questions that you may or may not know just yet. And trust me, it will get overwhelming. That intimate moment between you and your now fiance is gone.

Having a day or two to relax is imperative. It is a time when you and your fiance can kick back and think about how your relationship blossomed into this beautiful journey. Whether you have been dating for 6 months or 10 years, you need to realize that this is one of the most special moments of your life. It is the day your partner thought long and hard, saved up a TON of money, and got down on one knee. Ladies, this is not man’s best skills: planning, spending money, and begging. 

I personally took a day and half. Well that’s a fib, our parents and siblings knew the day of. You can’t hide this kind of news for too long from them. I began slowly letting the news out. First my best friends, then my cousins, and so on.

Funny story: I wanted to tell my work family, but I was really nervous. A) because I’m an introvert and public speaking is a challenge and B) I just started working there so I didn’t know how to share personal news just yet. Luckily, one of my co-workers noticed something different on a very special finger and said, “Terri, that ring wasn’t there before.” And I was like “I got engaged!” She said it from the other side of the nursing station and I was facing her on the opposite side. I was bombarded with congratulations and good wishes! If I had a list of happiest moments of my life, this would be one of them. Because even though I wasn’t close to them at that time, they opened their hearts to me and felt welcomed into the night shift family.

So take a day or two to be fully immersed into the moment. It’s like an engaged-moon. (You have babymoon, minimoon, and honeymoon! Let’s throw this one out there too!) It’s meant for the two of you. Because between this day and your wedding day, you will never feel fully relaxed. Trust me.

2) Not everyone will be happy for you.

This one was hard for me. I’ve actually had people ask if I was pregnant. Some people said it was too soon/rushing it (mind you, I didn’t even have a wedding date and we’ve been dating for 2.5 years).  It literally put me in a slum and I just got engaged! Thinking back on these moments still disheartens me because when people are generally thought to be happy for you, you still have those naysayers in the background. These comments aren’t said lightly and I don’t know how they could be. Let me know in the comments how you could see them being optimistic because I just don’t see it.

Keep this tip in mind because people can or will bring you down. Whether it is immediately after your engagement or during. You need to keep your head up because if they’re bringing you down, that means you are already above them. You can’t bring someone down who is sitting next to you.  This is about you and your fiance starting a new chapter. It is already frustrating as it is and you don’t need haters on your team. Don’t let someone else’s small thinking determine your life, because you are the one that is living it. Being engaged is blissful so eliminate those pessimistic crabs. Only lobsters allowed.

3) It’s the only time you are allowed to be selfish-ish.

This brings me to my next tip, you are allowed to be selfish. But hear me out on this one. You can’t have everything you want and I’ll explain that in tip #4. When I mean selfish, I mean this day happens once (hopefully.) You are allowed to wear white because you can. Free drinks because you deserve it. And presents, because you will need them along the road. Now, it does not mean that you can be bossy and self-absorbed, all day errrday. No. You always have to treat everyone with respect. Nobody likes a bridezilla. Being selfish in this sense, means being absorbed in the moment. Being fully present on the day that begins the rest of your journey. It will get overwhelming and frustrating, but don’t just put your hands up in the air and give up when everything is crashing to pieces. Your wedding day will be the best day ever. So be selfish-ish in your decisions.

4) The Money Talk.

This is probably one of the worst conversations ever. At least for me it was. I watched my Pinterest dream wedding ignite. No, I’m kidding…it was singed. We can’t have the wedding we want. It is an honest given. But you can have something like it.

Gah. I remember sitting down with my husband and writing out a budget and I was dying inside. I don’t talk about money. My family never has, so when the money topic comes up…I’m honestly lost. It’s like computer jargon. He took the lead on this one and we decided on a budget. Writing it out and dedicating money to certain vendors actually worked out. So budgeting your money is the way to go.

Money is actually one of the prime reasons of divorce. You heard it from me, I heard it from friends, even our priest told us that. I know you want to just throw money around, but hear me out on this…you don’t want to be paying off this day in the long run.

This is where communication comes into play with your soon to be hubby. Like I said before, I hate talking about money. So what my husband and I did was set a date to discuss this. We sat down and wrote out a reasonable budget. We wrote down our goals and what was most important to us. Divided our budget among the potential vendors and agreed on it. I’m happy to say it worked, no matter how much I complained about everything. And we started our marriage on a happy note.

5) Breathe.

I can’t stress this tip enough. BREATHE. You will be stressed, overwhelmed, frustrated, and you will be challenged. Not just from the moment you get the ring but all through planning. Remember to breathe and you know what…you are allowed to cry. Release the tension, ladies. I can’t tell you how many times I lost my shit. Don’t get me started on that bitch, Karen, from Mens Wearhouse.

Take a yoga class. Take a walk or a run. GO SHOPPING! Do whatever makes you feel calm and relaxed and brings you to your happy place. Things will go wrong. They will not go your way but what you can control is how you react to situations. You are in control of your thoughts. Practice affirmations. Think: I will have a beautiful wedding surrounded by those who love us the most. Be optimistic. Breathe. If you need a positive coach…I’M RIGHT HERE GIRL. Positivity flows out of me like lava. On most days.

Keep these tips in mind and don’t let anyone take your sunshine away. It’s your wedding. I wish when I got engaged I had someone to steer me in the right direction. I’m the first of my close friends to get married, so I literally had no idea what I was doing. (Plus my best friends lived in different states!) It was literally just me and Pinterest. But I’m here to tell you that although the journey before marriage is rough, you can get through it. It is one of the happiest times of your life.

Any past brides have the same experiences? Any soon-to-be brides need to vent? Leave a comment below or shoot me an email in the contact form above.

xoxo,

Terri