When I was a freshman in high school, I thought I was so ugly. My plaid skirt didn’t fit me, button down shirts hung on me, and my hair cut was awful. I went to a private school that was filled with kids whose parents had money. Polo shirts, designer shoes, North Face everything…I had affordable items.
In freshman algebra, I got a note passed to me that said “Will you go to homecoming with me?” signed by one the boys sitting in my row. I knew it was a joke because the boys in front of class were snickering. Boys are so stupid. The boy whose name was on the note had nothing to do with the little prank. He came up to me after class and said, “I didn’t send you that note. I wouldn’t go to homecoming with you.”
I was hurt.
Not because I didn’t have a date, but what he said. Was I not pretty? Is it because I’m not blonde? Or was it because I didn’t have my skirt high above my knees or my shirt wasn’t tight enough to accentuate my mosquito bites?
Why did I deserve that answer?
To say the least, freshmen year was horrible for me. I had trouble finding my place, like any innocent 14-15 year old. I also questioned, what am I good for?
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I hate when people say “It’s what’s inside that counts.” Because you’re not fixing the problem, you’re temporarily fixing it by placing a band aid over it. This ticks me off. Because it’s honestly a cry for help. More than anything, what girls AND boys need is encouragement, motivation, and reassurance. We live in world where we are CONSTANTLY being compared by our peers. That who we are as a human being is not good enough. We have to be AS GOOD if not BETTER than our neighbor. But why? Because the grass is greener on the other side? That saying needs to go out the window, because you don’t know what that person had to do to get their grass at pristine condition. We need to start encouraging the younger generation instead of belittling them. How does it make the world a better place if we show kids that comparing themselves to other people will get them further in life?
I was constantly compared to my older cousins. My parents would always say: “Your cousin has his/her own job and was able to pay for his/her own car” or “Your cousin graduated and look at his/her job, it pays very good” or “Your brother gets good grades why can’t you.”
My dad even told me he’d rather have someone else as a daughter because I wasn’t doing well in school.
I’m sure he didn’t mean it. But it hurts. Even to this day.
I can’t stress enough how much “Comparison is the thief of joy” is so important and this RINGS true to every single human being. I struggle with this every day because that’s how I grew up…comparing myself to everyone. I didn’t know any better. But here’s the key : When you compare yourself to others, not only do you rid yourself of joy but of beauty as well. Your beauty as a human is lost.
Beauty isn’t just perfect makeup and skin, it’s also about making mistakes and fixing them. We’re humans, we make mistakes. We will never live up to our parents’ expectations. We will never be like the people we are compared to and that’s a wonderful thing. Beauty is about being true to yourself and embracing everything that you believe in. It’s the confidence you hold yourself up to. And it’s hard, I know it is. But when you hold your ground and stand up for what you believe in, your beauty shines through. Embrace your flaws, don’t be afraid to step into treacherous waters. People gravitate toward others who aren’t afraid to be themselves. Forget about everyone else. True life: I’m a recovering child of my parents’ high expectations. Whenever I feel myself stepping out of my comfort zone, I think, Get over your DAMN self.
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I used to think that girls with perfect hair, perfect nails, and shoes were the ultimate goal. I wanted to have super model status. Obviously my height doesn’t help me out. More than anything, I wanted to be noticed. But as I grew up I realized the people who I were idolizing were fake news. It wasn’t until I became an adult that I realized that I admired the beauty of those who didn’t know they were beautiful. It was the people who supported other people. When the 1st place winner clapped for 2nd place. The kids who give up the home run baseball to a kid younger than them. The mother who was fed up, struggling with her children and other mothers came in to save her, strangers…but they knew the feeling. Women supporting women. Men supporting men. Strangers supporting strangers. Empathy is beauty.
I want their beauty and I want to spread that like wildfire.
Thinking back to my freshmen year, I wasn’t the most attractive. But I held strong to myself. Did I deserve that answer? No. If I could tell anything to myself when I was a lowly nobody, I would say, “God is preparing you for someone better. He’s just showing you all the rocks before the diamond.” People will always be mean, learn to tune them out. They don’t deserve your attention.
By senior year, I made a name for myself. I was, for once, popular enough for students (and teachers) to say hi to me in the hallway. Even outside of school, these students (Frosh, Soph, Juniors, & Seniors) would go out of their way to say hi to me at the mall. Someone’s grandmother pick me out at my local library. And it wasn’t because I had the latest fashion trends, had perfect hair, or had perfect humor. Because I put my passion and energy into something I loved. Dance. I relayed emotion into other people. That’s a super power I love having.
When I live intentionally every day, I always stay in bed 5 minutes longer and affirm to myself, “it’s going to be a good day.” Beauty isn’t always seen, but felt. People say I act too much on emotion, but emotion is what connects us as human beings. Every day is an opportunity to make someone else’s day brighter. Whether it is kind words of comfort, simply being present, or a passing smile. Instead of comparing ourselves and our children, we need to start planting seeds of encouragement, love, and inspiration. Stop looking at your neighbor’s grass. The grass is greener under YOU, when you water it.
Be inspiring, be passionate, be kind, be fearless.
“Your smile is your logo, your personality is your business card, and how you leave others feeling is your trademark.” – Jay Danzie
That is living intentionally.
