My Biggest Bridal Regret

I’m closing up my wedding series by sharing some regrets former brides and myself had. Obviously our weddings were perfect, but if we had to do it over again…this what they would have done differently.

• Hired a videographer. Even though Kelly* loved her photos, she regretted hiring a videographer. Her pictures were beautiful but only showed frozen moments in time. Videos capture the entire scene: the people, the emotions, and the words.
• Waited to plan a honeymoon. Anna* left for her honeymoon with her hubby the day after the wedding. In retrospect, it would have better been planned a few months later when they could have properly planned the trip. It was difficult to plan a wedding while planning a honeymoon excursion.
• Less bridesmaids. Cara* wished she would have stuck with her 3 sisters as her bridesmaids instead of 10. It was a lot of women to keep track of…on top of unwanted opinions. Blood is thicker.
• Flats instead of high heels. Mia* wanted BRIDAL heels, the kind you can only wear for one day. She lasted one hour before walking around bare foot. It was a waste of money and not worth achy feet for the rest of the day, but looked good in pictures.
• Being present for cocktail hour. Laura* wished she was present for cocktail hour instead of taking more pictures. She wasn’t able to say hi to all her guests and during the reception she kept being pulled aside.

*Names changed: thank you to the brides who shared their moments with me!*

So what do they recommend on spending the most on? Here’s what made the top 3 on what to splurge.

1. Photography/Videography: Get the pictures you want and the video shots. This day goes by so quickly that having the perfect pictures and moving images will be worth the money.
2. Hair/Makeup: You obviously want to look glam, don’t cut corners here.
3. Flowers: The majority of the brides I talked to said they loved their flowers and wouldn’t change a thing. Regardless of real or fake, you should have the flowers that you like.

So what was MY biggest bridal regret?

Not asking for help.

I was so involved down into the tiniest details that I eventually overwhelmed myself. I wanted to control everything that I just didn’t have the courage to say “help me.” I was so stressed about how the day would flow that I had a horrible headache the day before, complete with nausea. I was so focused on making sure that everyone was having a good time and enjoying themselves that I completed severed my relationship to the day. And it was MY day: I didn’t even think about putting myself first. From the night before all the way to the night of, I was in this constant worrying state.

• Is everything going ok?
• Are we good on time?
• Why isn’t he answering his text messages?
• Where is this person?
• Why aren’t we going this way?
• Why isn’t anyone listening to me? 

I was drowning in my own concerns that I honestly couldn’t enjoy myself.

I was pissed off walking down the aisle because the church coordinators didn’t know how to fluff my train and the bridal march was already playing. I was worried because we didn’t have enough time to take pictures in the church, that I rushed pictures before the church staff would kicked us out. I was angry at family members because they kept blocking our professional photographer trying to take their own pictures. I was furious because people kept coming to me about their problems and I didn’t know how to say fuck you nicely. I felt like my family didn’t enjoy the reception because they weren’t really on the dance floor. I didn’t even enjoy our open bar because I was busy concerning myself in other’s perception if they were having fun or not. I’d ask for an alcoholic drink and never got one. (This probably could have solved a lot of problems.) Lastly, I had a family member push me down because I wasn’t crouching down enough because I was blocking people behind me. (Not only did I pay a ton of money for you share this day with me, now I have to squat all the way down so people can see you? I should have just stayed out of the picture if I knew I would have been on the floor.) It’s like I carried the ENTIRE load of problems/issues/concerns when I really shouldn’t have and I feel like it could have been extinguished if I had only asked for help and delegated tasks.

So if I had to do my wedding again, I would let go of the reigns. I wish I was more concerned about me. But that’s not my personality. I wish I had a backbone when it came to having a good time. But I honestly didn’t have anyone to lean on that day. I felt disconnected with everyone. Even my own family. And maybe that was my fault.

In the end, I wish someone could have said: “Terri. Stop trying to control everything. Everything is going the way it should be. This is your wedding day, don’t let anyone rain on your parade.”

There was a moment while I was sitting at the sweetheart table by myself watching everyone eat dinner, that I honestly wanted to start crying because I felt so frustrated and angry. But I had to keep my tears inside my eyeballs because I didn’t want anyone to notice. So I just shoved it back inside of me, like I did with everything else, and faked a smile.

It seemed like everyone had a good time at my wedding, whether they are telling the truth or just trying to make me feel better. But in the end, this is the one regret I have that still beats me up. And I hope it doesn’t happen to the next bride. Maybe this is when a wedding planner would have been useful. But in the end, it is what it is.

Any other bride have a regret that beats them up? How did you handle bridal stress? Did you have a wedding planner?

Leave a comment below, I’d love to read your thoughts and help some more brides to be!

Photography: Emily Laraine Photography