I have two daughters yet my womb aches for more. Am I ready? I don’t know. Is my body ready? Probably not. But my womb aches for more.
My husband and I talk about the possibility of adding to our family regularly but we know it won’t happen for a couple years. After having Ellie, recovery took a toll on my body. Was it because my body didn’t fully recover from having Isla 16 months prior? Or because Ellie’s labor went so fast I experience a complication? Could be a combination of the two, but what I know is that I need time to recover but my womb aches for more.
The Small Things
Each day Isla and Ellie grow a bit older, more wiser, and so much more beautiful. Every time they outgrow a piece of clothing, my heart aches knowing that’s the last time they’ll fit into it. The baby gates that will soon be put in storage, the small teethers, baby gyms, and baby bibs. The words that are slowly forming and the personalities bursting through. My heart aches a little bit more with my womb thinking, can you do one more?
The Big Things
When they reach for me, they’ll learn to reach away. Looking for friends and leaving me behind. But that’s what they should do, they need to have more than me. They need to be fulfilled by the world around them and have real life experiences. Build a group of friends and lay a foundation of values. Create a life they love and move on…away from me.
This Nest
I think about where I’m left, an empty nest in 20 years or so. The home once filled with toys, clothes, things will be moved out and replaced with home decor. A tidy kitchen. A playroom turned into a media room. Kids rooms, untouched just like they left it. Walls without crayon marks and a backyard clean of toys. My heart aches for the future and my womb chimes in, can you do it again?
My Nest
For now, I’ll soak in the messy house. The stained clothing, toys amuck, and nursery rhymes. Because who knows if I will be able to carry more, what I have now matters. So I will choose my present and hope for the future.
Because even though my womb aches, my heart aches for everything I have.
