When I was a new mom, I was a mess. For one thing, I gave up on breastfeeding so I already felt like a failure. I felt like I was failing my daughter and myself. Why couldn’t I do the one thing women have been doing for centuries? I had trouble adjusting to my new life and my new body. I had no one to help me, no one to ask questions to, and no one to lean on. Essentially, I was alone. The straw that broke the camel’s back was when I was overwhelmed with breastfeeding because it hurt so much, my mom said, “Stop, she can sense you’re upset” and promptly removed Isla from my arms. Again, I was left alone. Soaking in failure. Nipples on fire. With no one. Even though my mom carefully took my newborn from my embrace, it felt like my heart was ripped away from my body. Not only was I failing my daughter,I failed my mother. I never felt so inadequate in my life when I thought this was so supposed to be the happiest moment in my life.
People kept coming to see the baby, help with the baby, take care of the baby, but I couldn’t help but think…who was going to help me? I’d scroll through social media and see mothers handling the newborn stage like it was nothing. Breastfeeding like a pro. Smiling with their baby and being overall, perfectly put together. Then I’d look at myself and think, why can’t I get it together? Why can’t I be happy like them? They must have help, I assumed. You know what I wanted? The only thing I wanted that first week I came home from the hospital was a Fish Sandwich from McDonald’s. That’s all I wanted. But no one ever asked what I needed. Everyone assumed what I needed. Here’s the thing. Everyone came for the baby. No one came for me.
I realized then, I never wanted another mother to go through what I went through.
I eventually let some hints out that I was struggling through this stage in life and some people caught it. Messages of support and comfort came rolling in. Constant checks ins and messages filled my inbox. Before this, I would bend the truth and tell people what they wanted to hear. I told them “I’m fine.” “I’m breastfeeding but trying to pump.” “The baby is well, I’m doing good too.” I didn’t have the courage to say “I feel like I’m failing” or “I don’t have a connection with my baby” or that “so many people are here I’m scared my baby won’t know I’m her mother.” Because I was scared to let people know I was a horrible mom.
These women, these mothers who reached out to me in my time of need. They are my heroes. They supported me when I felt inadequate to be a mom. They picked me up, grabbed my hand, and guided me through this stage. Encouraged me and validated my feelings. Because of them, I was able to be the mother my daughter needed.
Motherhood is a mess. Nobody prepares us for the changes we go through. You need to allow yourself to heal from labor, give yourself some grace, and feel all the feelings. Why? Because it’s ok to not be ok.
I don’t want another mother to go through what I went through, so I’m sharing the messy mom life by sharing and supporting other mom’s stories and bring an end to mom shaming. To embrace the chaos and be comforted in motherhood. Because I see a world where every mother feels validated and loved for who they are and who they are yet to come. My mission is to inspire, encourage, and support mothers to fill their cup so they can fill others.
Motherhood shouldn’t be picture perfect. It ought to be chaotic because we learn through our experiences. So mama, is your cup filled?
