Think of your bridal party as being your ride or die squad.
Who is going to be there for you when you literally need a shoulder to cry on?
Who will run to the drug store when you have a UTI?
Or someone to get a case or two of beer when the beer chest is running low on beer darts?
Those people are your people.
Picking the people in our bridal party was a no brainer. We picked family and friends. The ones who were our A1 since Day 1. They were people we can literally rely on, people who listen to us, and who embrace our bat-shit craziness.
It’s important to pick people who know how to handle shit and get it done, because after months of planning you don’t want to be responsible for anything. Trust me. Not only are they the people who we can rely on but they know how to defuse a situation too. Think of the people in your life that saved you from making a bad decision. Who was there when the rest of the world left? Who lent an ear, a shoulder to lean on, or money because you forgot your wallet? Who praised you exactly the way you are because you are the bomb dot com? They are people who can stand by you on your big day and continue being the best friends they’ve always been. Have a lot of those people? But you don’t want a million people standing at the altar with you? Here are some tips on picking the best bridal party. ever.
My Top 4 Tips on Picking a Bridal Party
- Do NOT feel obligated to have someone in your wedding because you stood up in theirs. Your wedding, your rules. Did you even like that person? You’re filling a spot that could be better for someone else. Like your cousin who picked you up in the middle of the night and got chocolate chip frappucinos because life was not as happy as it was before. If they were your best friend, sister, brother, etc…that’s a different situation. I’m talking about people who needed to fill space up…needed one more person to make the wedding party symmetrical. So they asked their former best friend from college to be that one person to make pictures look perfect. Don’t feel obligated to put them in your wedding. Chances are…you were the rebound.
- As I said, if you were a bridesmaid/groomsmen in your sibling’s wedding…that’s a different situation. You need your siblings there, unless you have dark history. They are your worst enemy and best ally. They are the people who beat you up but will punch a MF to death if someone else tried to lay a hand on you. Who blamed everything on you when you got in trouble…or took the blame because they didn’t want to see you hurt. They take a spot in your party because they are blood. Now, if you were in your cousin’s wedding or your second cousin’s wedding… you are not obligated to put them in your wedding either. As I said before, the spots on your bridal party are for people who are on your ride or die team. Not people who you see once a year at the family reunion. If you’re close to your cousins so much that they are literally your best friends, then that’s different. But I’m talking about long lost cousin Sally who asked you to be a bridesmaid because “you’re family and couldn’t imagine her day with her second cousin twice removed.” Nah, Sally may not even get an invitation to your wedding. “Because they are family” is not a legit reason to reserve a spot on your bridal party.
- Remember in 27 Dresses, when Katherine Heigl’s character finally got married and her bridesmaids were the 27 brides who she was maid of honor for? Although a great touch to end the movie, I doubt anyone would actually do that. Plus, symmetry was off. Be mindful of the number of people on your team. I say a good number is 4 or 6 (including best men and MOHs.) 8 may be the cut off. Also, if you are a perfectionist…symmetry comes into play. Or if it totally doesn’t matter, then disregard. But with more people comes more $$$.
- YASS. Money will never leave you alone. It’s like herpes. When you have more people in your party, you will need to consider thank you gifts, how big a party bus/limo, suits/dresses, makeup & hair. When I was planning, I knew I wanted to pay for as much as I can for my bridesmaids because the majority of them were flying in from out of town. The least I could do was cover some costs! Think back to your budget and see what you could do. Or if you need a squad of 20 people on your team…ask them to cover some costs. The following are considerations you need to ponder about too, when picking your team.
- Who will throw the wedding shower? Traditionally, it is someone from the bride’s side (sister, mother, best friend, or maid of honor) that will take care of this. I personally asked my mom to do it because I couldn’t ask my MOHs to fly in town then fly in again for the wedding. Be mindful of your people’s situations. Because although they would do anything for you, it doesn’t mean their wallet will agree.
- Same goes for bachelorette/bachelor party. Traditionally thrown by MOH/Best Man. They are throwing the last big party for you. I say, keep it simple. Traveling out of country seems to be on rise and that’s not a cheap trip to plan.
- Have a lot of friends but don’t want to put them all in your party? There are other roles they can play: ushers, readers, greeters, etc.
- Tell them that they are not obligated to get a present or travel for parties. Because their presence is the only present you need. Corny, but true. The average bridal party member spends about $400 (including tuxedo/dress, makeup, presents, travel.) Be a friend and cut their expenses down too.
Recap: Don’t pick people just because they are family or because you stood up at their wedding. Are you a rebound? You know you can say “no thanks” if someone asks you to be in their wedding. It’s not an insult. Pick the people who see you for who you are.
Bride tip: When I asked my bridesmaids to be in my bridal party, I made an album of pictures of me and them. I wrote a letter to them, describing how much I appreciated our relationship and why they are so important to me. They deserve some praise too. After all, they are your people.
I couldn’t ask for a better bridal party. My bridesmaids were awesome. The groomsmen were just as fabulous. They were people who made us feel like a million bucks. They handled situations, did whatever when we needed it, picked up a cost, and looked out for us. Solved problems and kept the party going. Plus, they looked REAL good.
They’re our best friends.
Thanks to Emily Laraine Photography for capturing these moments.
What are your thoughts? Any problems arise in bridal party? Wish you did something different? How is wedding planning going for you? Leave a comment below or contact me in the form above.
xoxo,
Terri
